SmiLe aLwAyS philosophy world

2011-04-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

so long haven't been blogging again...too lazy to switch on my laptop..it has been for 4 months that i'm in my current job...so far have been enjoying it, it's just that sometimes its quite tiring to handle those patients upfront..well, mine is a front line job, this is one of the challenges that i've expected...

relationship wise, i'm still alone..just now after so many years, i think i've met into someone who makes me have the "in love" feeling again. but i'm not going to pursue it, we're just too different...two different characters, two different thinking, two different pathways that we're going to seek...i think there's someone out there much better waiting for him..since it has not started yet, i'll leave as far as possible so that i won't get hurt again.

currently i just hope that i'll faster save as much money as possible and study and earn more money. money is the only practical thing that won't betray me other than my family and true friends.

2011-02-12T22:11:00.000-08:00

thinking when should I be taking my degree..1 year later? 2 years later or am I not going to pursue a degree level. But I know very well that if i don't pursue a degree course, in future I won't have much career prospect as diploma cert nowadays is similar to the O level cert in the past..

just now went into different websites to take a look..so confusing..don't know it's part time or full time course..the duration put 4 years..if it's a full time course, and I want to take part time, meaning that the duration will be extended? ah ya..don't know la...so confusing...don't know what course I want to take also..rar..

2011-01-15T22:57:00.000-08:00

so long nv come in and blog already..have been busy lately...just changed into a new job...

i've have finally step out of my comfort zone and pursue my passion, although i'm not sure whether this is one of my favourite ones but if i nv try it i won't know forever..if this passion turns out to be what i really want, i'll go further study in degree...

i've been running away from this industry after i graduated because deep down inside, i knew i had did wrong...because of things in the past, have been skipping my classes and i didn't put all my heart in to study properly...

although entering the industry now means that i've to work doubly hard but it's something that i had to atone for my mistakes that i made myself..no matter what..i will hold on to this job because it's my passion..i shouldn't have any regrets leaving my past job..

concentrating on career is my current goal..of cos, i'm also quitely waiting for my prince to appear..=)...i had a bet with panda that i won't get involve in relationships for 1 year..i know it is for my own good...i feel relaxed now...thinking clearer than before..

recently..i thought that a guy was quite nice, but didn't think too much as i was thinking i won't meet him again..but..it turns out that he was my colleague's buddy..and my colleague keep wanting to introduce us...erm...confused feeling?...a bit pai seh but yet wanted to say yes...a lot of thinking was suddenly in my mind..don't know why too..it's ok..i'll leave things to fate..if it's meant to be..we'll become friends...=)...past experience tells me not to rush into things...i think focus on career is better as i already have no time to think about other things..=)

hope all my friends is doing well too...=)

2010-11-06T21:55:00.001-07:00

finally~ i threw in my resignation letter to my new boss on 01 Nov 2010...my first job, learnt enough, time to say good bye...continue to pursue what I wan which is pharmacy industry...wish me good luck and i believe i'll have courage to walk continuosly...

2010-10-24T03:43:00.000-07:00

keep coughing recently cos of the haze...watching a TV show now showing those actors/actresses hometown...

again, i feel blessed that i'm living in Singapore, because there's no natual disaster that will strike us..unlike Singapore...China had earthquarkes and it reduce a town of 30000 ppl to 8000...heart felt pain as i was watching the program...praying quietly for those ppl who were burried by those mud and collapsed houses...some of their family don't even have chance to see their love ones the last time...

as i prayed, elroy came into my mind, he told me that he just got married last week...happy event for him hence i congratulated him...maybe sometimes we don't need to be with the person we love, we only want them to be safe and healthy...hope he'll live his life happily and i will continue to live my happy life too...

2010-09-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

sian, nobody wan to go watch vampire sucks with me..its either don't wan to watch cos lame, or watch with boyfriends already or too busy no time to go out with me...rar...everytime also like that....single so what...single then no one to watch movie with meh...dun care..at most i go buy vcd to watch when it's out...quite dulan now actually, also dun know why...

2010-09-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

today is the day i wanted since 2 years ago...my brother finally moved out....suddenly felt that my house is so big, so empty, so quiet..there's no more boxes blocking the way..there's no more tristan's crying...

but i miss tristan..wonder if i'll ever see him again..even if i see him, might not even be able to say hello to him if not his crazy mum will beat him up again...my mum was very sad yesterday too, can't sleep..sometimes i'll think if ever 1 day i had such a son, what will i do...i really pity her..looking at her back, trying to be strong, but is hurt deeply inside...

i think no one should be able to understand how we are feeling...own kin but we are not allow to touch him, not allow to talk to him, now, cannot even see him anymore...he said that he'll bring tristan back sometimes, but with that crazy women around for 24 hrs, how to bring back...haiz...only hope that they'll let my mum carry tristan again, other things i won't be hoping so much...

anyways this friday went to meet up with yu feng to celebrate his bd..one year meet one time haha...got to know what has been he doing recently..but also same as me workaholic...hope the gal that he's wooing will accept him soon too..=)...we went to tunk lok to eat then surprisingly, we saw fire works!...so long nv see real fire works which is not from TV already...happy ^.^...

P.S: hope i'll become a happier person...

2010-07-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

yeah..just came back cruise to redang..not bad...whole trip just eat and sleep lo....got go snorkling at redang also...erm...quite fun..my first time..the beach is very beautiful over at redang..but...tmr is going back to work liao, a bit sian..

erm...bonus is coming out on Jul end already...meaning it's time for me to quit my job? a lot of things going through my mind...thinking do i really quit and work for charissa? can i still afford to give my mum family income every month? am i really going to study and where am i going to get the money from? headache headache headache...

2010-07-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

oh~~been a very long time nv blog liao~~last week just came back from Bintan trip with zalina, jeng and rene. ^.^ very fun over there although we only went for 2 days 1 night...

1st day we went there then completed 4 activities plus massage...the sun there is really Very strong, even more hot than Singapore...haha..then i kana sun burn..but!! the problem is my sun burn mark only become more obvious these few days, then i realise i didn't "burn" my leg properly...half of it is white and half of it is black~~ -_-''..wells hope no one will notice it..:p...

we went to play banana boat, kayaking, air rifle and archery..haha..damm fun!...the banana boat uncle very funny and nice, and it was very exciting..won't forget this trip with u all ^.^...the air rifle i think i got around 25 bullets, but i only shot 2 times..archery worse, think i only manage to shoot one on the board..haha..luckily i'm not a guy if not my army sir will sure scold me to death...

at night...after we get sun burn went for massage..nearly scream when the massager touch my leg to apply cream for me lol...but overall if have the chance again i'll still go on trip with you all hehehe..cos very fun...also lucky that i wear contacts instead of specs, if not my face will also sun burn until half black half white..=D...

2010-06-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

left with the last week to endure with then lao da will be back...today i was very depressed...cos i got scolding from my boss again..and this time other than the harsh sentences she said, she added in one more sentence..which is i'm useless..this whole day this sentence has been printed in my mind..just can't shake it off...nearly cry somemore lol..

sometimes i really think that so what if i work so hard for her..she still doesn't appreciate it..but i won't regret..as i know that from the start, i worked hard is cos i dun wan myself to feel guilty that i didn't give in my best...i know that i'm not able to handle 3 person's work..i know i'm still incapable of doing that...so i think if i dun get transfer to another team..i'll just leave..feel like trying out jie's job..at least the children i teach wont' say that i'm useless when i've already give them my heart ba..

path ahead is still very long..but i'll still go forward and find out what do i really wan to do in future...i believe in myself...even if i may be inefficient now..i can learn...that's why experience is so important..

2010-05-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

finally may day events is over...time to concentrate on core job scope already....so tired..slept for 12 hrs yesterday..today wake up still very tired...tmr must present at IP again..haiz..something that i cannot run away...

on Fri, went to CEO's house with team...ok la..his house quite nice..beside is swimming pool..think will be good to assist in losing weight..hehe..then afternoon came back to rest..Sat, early morning have to wake up to prepare to go DTE for the award ceremony...good that everything went smoothly. =) heng ah...then after that went drinking with my colleagues at clarke quay..anyway i ordered mocktail instead..beer is so bitter not nice to drink wan..

anyways, when we were drinking and eating..one of them asked about my team, and ask whether am i happy over there or not..i also dare not answer much...only said that the only one friend i have there is my supervisor..=)...then she talked about transfer of team...i know she was just crapping only la..but i was thinking...June is reaching already..time when our company will tend to transfer ppl internally so that we are able to learn more things by getting new job scope...i wonder will they transfer me...if they do will i still stay? Maybe it's too early to think of things that have not happen yet..but if they do i also dun know how to hand over my messy stuff..think that new person will curse me to death..:p...

2010-05-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

ah~~~only 1 week has passed by...3 more weeks to endure...."wo ren~~~~~~"....die..thought of leaving in July, and then~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~my boss told me that she's pregnant....argh~~dun wanna stress her yet i'm unhappy staying...what to do??

actually this blog is suppose to be 3 paragraphs but laptop suddenly no bat yesterday so all that i write is gone...lazy to continue to write anyway...thats all for now...

2010-05-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

okie..before i start writing my blog...i know that someone is spying on me...i can tell you directly, i'm not going to waste my time to write about u all cos it's not my business anyone as you can't affect me anymore. so what i'm going to write is my private stuff, i hope both of you will stop spying on my blog.

starting from tmr, my battle will start and it'll last for 1 month....however i still hope that lao da (my supervisor) will enjoy her trip and be healthy...=) somehow feeling very stress..i know that a lot of work load is coming in...i know that others will take the opportunity to bully me or to stab me...i know that i might not be able to gain simple trust from my boss even though it's not my fault, but all these doesn't matter...anyway i'm leaving soon...just wish to give it a last shot before i leave.

thought that i can leave peacefully but in the end who know this kind of things will happen...didn't expect that the witch will resign before me lol..but she's definitely against me cos she stop her work from Mar and i've to continue from there...i only hope that i don't break down again cos i really wan to prove, not only to my boss, but to myself that i can make it...although i'm blur, but at least i'm sincere...i will try my best, even if it's not a good ending in the end, i'll still try..

on normal days, it's always my lao da help me to block arrows from me..but now i've to learn how to be independant, learn how can i recover from my injuries if i kana arrows...really should take lao da's advice on taking things more lightly in a sense that shouldn't be so stubborn...woosh! must jia you for this one month...here comes multi task women again~~

2010-03-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

today is a happy day...went to pulau ubin with wee siang....yeah someone is willing to with me to cycle...thanks bro..=) think you should have took a lot of pics with yr nice camera..pai seh dun know how to use so nv help u take photo..anyways i enjoyed today's ride..although very long nv exercise le hehe..

look forward to next fri go sentosa with my su jeng and gang!!=D...sun burn myself to look darker..muhahaha..hope all of them can make it on that day...

2010-02-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

haiz..today on leave...tmr have to go back to fight the war...why are adults so childish? in this world do all adults work this way? if u treat someone good does it mean that that someone won't appreciate it and turn around to bite u???...normally i have small small holes that i got stab or bitten by her..this time...this hole that she bite is really so big until using bandage to wrap might also have problem...maybe it's time that heaven force me to make a decision to find a job that really suits me...hopefully my next job will be happy and that i won't get bully by ppl?? =) praying hard for heaven to hear...

2010-02-05T07:14:00.001-08:00

my blog's name is smile always but i always can't bring myself to smile always when i'm alone thinking about all the things...today heard a news from krist(my boss)...she said that one of my team mate(Karen) went to the CEO to complain about me, my supervisor and herself...

first thought that came to my mind was...why am i so stupid..so navie? treat ppl so good for what? i tolerated that bitch and i even helped her, in the end she turn around and bite us saying that we bully her and things like that...i nv complain her she should be damn happy already...quite angry also...why are there such kind of ppl in this world and worse still why are they always appearing in my life?...haiz..really dun wan to spoil my weekend cos of her...i really must go and beat "xiao ren" lo..haiz haiz and haaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~~~

anyway tristan nv come out of the room for 1 week liao except for going to childcare...that bitch in my house doesn't even let my mum touch him..make my mum so depress...another sad story..if i give birth to such a son i will beat him till death myself rather than let heaven punish him...although i finally can get a good night sleep throughout the whole week but my mum is becoming more and more depress..haizzzzzzz~~~

2010-01-27T07:02:00.002-08:00

haiz...emo again..dun know is numb leh..or i should feel angry....dad kana hit by bro and sis in law again...everytime also do this kind of things...i'm starting to lose faith in god and heaven...maybe i should install something in the house that'll stop this..luckily my mum didn't commit suicide successfully...no wonder my eye keep twitching this whole day....

really is...dun know what to say...why dad got so much fats on his belly???if he has less fats then the injuries will be obvious...report police also no use...mum sure say nth happen and side with him...haiz..really is...haiz...haiz and haiz....my mood totally spoil by him everytime...

2010-01-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

didn't went for work today..cos tristan woke up extremely early this morning and i didn't had a good sleep and got headache...

was watching this short show on channel u...it was showing the different childhood places of some people...and how much do they miss it...thinking back..my childhood place is in sembawang...since young..jog to sembawang beach with my sister..then will enjoy the senary there...strolling down the beach to pick up sea shells^.^.....growing up...talks at my sembawang house staircase with charissa...or at her house until i fell asleep..=)..

suddenly miss my childhood memories too..=) moving forward in life..i think it's important always to look back at where we come from and not to forget the little things and people that develop us into who we are today..=)

2010-01-25T06:04:00.000-08:00

raw~~today is Monday...the most boring day of the week...felt so depressing..more and more depressing working there..dun know how long can i hold on...but luckily my temps keep making me laugh so i felt better. =)

sorry..i didn't wan to quarrel with you..but i think that you really dun understand me even if you've been with me for 8 months...u know that i'm weak...i really need support and you can say things like maybe i dun even need a listening ear....i do need one...but are you one? this sentence that you say pierce in through my heart..really wonder everytime when i talk to you, do you seriously care about me..haz..why do i care that for..you're not even with me now...so dun even need to bother about me...but i'm truly disappointed with you and i know even more that the decision i made wasn't wrong...

if i were to live and marry someone in my life...i must be able to feel that connection between us...a mutual feeling..sorry to say that you are not able to give me that kind a feeling...really is most of the time only crying..

i think i enjoy my single life now...happy to be myself...and will continue to be like this until one day really meet the correct person...

2010-01-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

yesterday went for hair treatment with sis at bishan...god..waited for 3 hrs for the hair dresser to assist us..erm..dun think i will go back there again...so god damn long...anyway went a little shopping with sis to buy dad's clothes...mum's clothes maybe next week then bring her go buy...a little bored at home...going to tidy my cupboard later...new year is coming..dun really feel excited except for the hong bao money that i'm going to get..just feel like wearing t shirt and jeans to my relative house to bai nian...hehe...

2010-01-18T05:05:00.000-08:00

my life sucks..at least for today....dun understand why do i have such a brother and sis in law...giving birth to baby and throwing to us to take care...forget it...shouting at my dad and mum..forget it...throwing away my dad's stuff to street make him pick it up in the rain..forget it...throwing me out of the house forget it...at least these 2 years..i thought that i have gotten used and will tolerate...tolerate until Tristan has grown up and all these will end...

now..he and his wife..dun know whose main idea..anyway no difference..wants to sell away the house...i hope sis can stop them...if he really sells away the house and buy his condo and move it with his family..where are we going to stay...last time..i thought about moving out alone..now..how am i going to move my parents if we gets chase out...dun understand..very disappointed with human race...suddenly felt that no one can be trusted in this world..down payment was paid by my dad and mum's money..how can they take it away to buy a condo saying that if they still have money left, only then they'll return to my mum...

is heaven really watching above???if he is, then why are things still like that??so that can make my wish come true? by slimming down? i guess if one day we really have no road to walk, i might have to work on sat and sun ba..to earn more money...then i think i really will slim down to the max..will save every penny that i have just to make sure my family is supported...a totally different shuyun from now..

at least if sis stops them now..till i reach 21, i'll pay for the house together with her..but if i were to get married in future..i would want to say sorry to my future husband..because if we buy our own house in future, i won't have the first time buyer's grant..which is around $15000 like what sis says...to me..family is very important now...money..i can earn and save together with my future husband if he wants to...haha..that is at least i'll find a bf and get married...think no one will want me..a problematic girl...problems at work..problems in family..problematic character..so quiet and anti-social..

today at work..i practically day dream..i really couldn't concentrate on my work..i was thinking of all kinds of way to buy a flat...haha..i even thought of marrying a rich guy...stupid day dream..think no rich man will fall in love with me ba..even he is..he must be selfish kind..argh..whatever....stupid thinking running inside my head now..i miss you..miss the hug and the jia you that you'll give me..just a simple sentence it can give me strength to carry on...but i guess you've forgotten about me..

10 more months to become 21...like what i've always thought of..21 is the year whereby all the responsibilities will start to come in..but i didn't thought of it'll come so fast...but it's quite cool actually..21 years old, my name is in half of the flat...have to do this..if not sis can't cope...the expenses are too high...just hope heaven really can see and then i'll strike lottery or something that can buy a flat for us to stay. =) just a shelter over our heads i'm happy enough...

2010-01-17T05:28:00.001-08:00

sunday again..tmr is a working day..all i hope is all will go well tmr and no one bullying me again=(..

anyway today went out with Daniel to shop for his new year clothes...my FYP savior..cos he taught me a lot of IT staff back then. =) but walked for whole day also didn't buy anything...hope he can find the clothes he want soon ba..anyway when i reach home, i realise my feet got blisters....damn pain..but it's still a happy outting today .=) So long nv catch up with my old friends and buddies liao. =)

2010-01-15T06:53:00.000-08:00

today was a bad bad day...early morning dress nice nice cos it's Friday!~~then in the end went office work...kana shouted by that stupid old witch twice today...really very very angry...shouted me in front of so many ppl in the office...moreover it wasn't my fault lo?? she just wants to throw her temper at someone..and why am i always the one that kana scolding from her...

when she shouted at me, i really feel like taking up my chair and smackkkkk directly into her face..! damn angry...dun understand why in this world so many ppl die, she just won't die...living in this world waste resources...somemore the heart is black untilllll~~~~~no words can describe..

haiz..sometimes really wonder..is pride more important or money more important...because of that amount of salary, i put up with all the nonsense from these ppl...i put up with their temper..their pushing around of work..their treating me as maids...really very tired..can i dun fight in this battle...however, another side of me tells me to be strong, if i really quit then it'll be really a battle that those evil ppl win...confusing...angry...sad...very "wei qu"...but yet dun know what to do...i just hope that god and heaven can see these and dun let the evil ppl go around bullying ppl...

actually is bullying ppl really that nice or proud to do so? i really dun understand what are they thinking...i only feel tired...my poor boss got shouted by her too...cos she has stay around very long in this company? God..i dun think i'll become like her if i work in a company for 10 over years lo..

haiz haiz and haiz...only feel like sighing...so depressed...but luckily today come home got nice shows to watch..so at least i'm smiling back..and at least talking to my sis helps..=)

2010-01-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

sleepy~~it's sat again..resting day=) last night went to meet up andy to watch movie...at first wanted to watch the jay chou cos he got free ticket, in the end cos got no time slot so didn't watch it...then we manage to buy alvin and chipmunks 2! yeah..it was really nice and funny to watch after a day of tiring work=)

anyway..i was very angry with jimmy(my ex temp staff) at work yesterday..cos i felt that it was really irresponsible of him to leave a lot of shit for us..i understand that when u dun like a job, u won't want to do much, but at least you must clarify properly before you leave..if not you'll cause other ppl to "suffer"...if you dun like what you are doing, then all the more ppl won't it if you didn't clear up properly for them..anyways i said very harsh sentences to him and scolded him..really angry...old staff bully me then jialat liao..now a temp, whom i trusted him also do this to his own colleagues..haiz...

argh..dun talk about him liao..today is sat=) dun know should i go back to work..now is already quite late..more and more lazy dun feel like going back to work on weekends...=(

another happy thing=D ling last night sms say want to go holiday or not on feb with jie and yee auntie..but then they all want to go western countries..erm...my experience with more senior ppl is..you must at least have around $1500 if you wanna go those countries ba..cos i dun think the air ticket will be cheap too..erm...but if we really go on a trip i think it'll be fun with them=D...but then must let me have my good night sleep okie..hehe..^.^..lazy pig as ever..

2010-01-06T06:43:00.000-08:00

so tired...tristan has been crying for nights..i didn't had a proper sleep for few days...today lunch nearly black out..luckily nothing happen and I managed to work ot muhahhaha...

anyway today mum bring tristan to pray..then in the end, the reason that they say why he keeps crying is because my mum's bedsheet colour is too bright and he's scared? God..really dun know to laugh or what..haha..colour is too bright thats why cry for nights? last night I counted, he almost woke up more than 10 times lo...erm..i dun think i'll cry cos of colourful colours on my bed lo..

hope he doesn't cry tonight and i'll have a good night sleep=)

shopping spree

2010-01-05T05:38:00.001-08:00

wo hoo!~~today felt so tired in morning cos of tristan so in the end took leave from sy to sleep till later hour..then afternoon wake up liao, drag my sis to go shopping with me a while..hehe..i bought a few sets of dress and skirt...happy. ^.^...tmr is a working day...must jia you jia you and jia you..cannot give up...

this afternoon watch the show "te xie"...then it was showing ppl with disabilities, how did they overcome they themselves..the hardship that they have gone through. i was thinking..."normal" ppl like us..always complaining about unfairness in life and whatever sad things that happen..but we should be happy that we are already very fortunate to be living in singapore. just wanna give myself one more reason to be happy or to make myself positive when I meet into negative events. =)

boring..

2010-01-02T21:50:00.000-08:00

so long nv come in to write my blog liao..think it was almost dead..hehe..i'm bored at home...basically every weekend now will just play game, watch TV and rot at home..cannot even sleep in my own room.

life is still the same...work is still stress...everyday at work is like a mental battle...a battle that i dun wish to be involve and wish to avoid it, but arrows will just directly shoot at me...haiz..can't be bothered...if one day things really get so bad maybe I'll just quit and find another job...but being in this job actually teaches me do not be naive, sometimes when you think that the person is good, think twice. Sometimes when you misunderstood some ppl are so fierce, actually they have their own reasons..well.. I've learn to see things in a even more different view..learn to observe in detail even more..but i really thank my supervisor cos she has been teaching and protecting me in a lot of ways. =) my boss too in some way..

relationship wise..sorry that i might have hurt you..but i rather do it now than later..right now, i just wish to be alone, peaceful, with no nonsense and emo thinking in me..work is already very stress...home is not a place for me to rest well..if relationship drags me back, i will have depression i guess..hehe..so i wanna learn how to be independent..how to just tolerate or even get used to everything in my life..baby's crying? more and more used to it cos i got my ear plug...work? can't be bothered much..if you all want to push blame or what just come directly, anyway I'm really so used to it..so lastly i just wish that you'll be happy. =)

friendship: still the same, wishing all my sisters and buddy out there remains happy in life and smile always;) ^.^

2009-09-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

I love mr kangaroo~~^.^ dun know spell kangaroo right or not..hehe..
my pretty sisters gang! =D

darling & me~~

sweetheart jie, yee pretty, darling & sotong me..=)

yeahs!! today is sunday^.^...yesterday almost work whole day OT..quite tired..but at least can claim back hrs & my things are starting to get neater=)..

anyways tuesday went zoo with ling and gang..haha..very tired but fun..next day almost cannot wake up..they went zoo then at night go night safari..i think yee auntie more worse..wear heels walk all day and walk..hehe..wells..we took quite a lot of photos! ling and jie got kiss by seal..=) i should went up and let the seal kiss too..haha..enjoy the photos everyone & thanks jie for taking the photos for us.=)..

erm..is watching tv and posting photos together=)..watching the blog show..erm..i feel that youngsters nowadays really treat love as a very important part of their life..i saw myself in that show..neglected everything just because i wanted to be with him..then i realise it wasn't right..because in the end they still left me..haha..what a joke..so love..is it just to fill up the empty space in our hearts or is it just to fill up the empty & extra time that we have?..=)

2009-09-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

ah~~why everytime sunday got emo shows to watch..haha..ok..but it's quite meaningful=)...this time the show name is: wang bu liao...

it shows this women who's suppose to marry this guy then he got into a car crash & died...what's all left behind from him is his son..she needed to work to support a kid who's not her own..i was just wondering if it's me i think i'll go crazy..i realise when u love someone u need not necessarily be with him, but knowing that he's still alive, living happily that's enough..=) loving someone doesn't mean you must be with him for 24 hrs...maybe one day you can only meet him for half an hr...1 hr...within that 1 hr..did you treasure him enough thats the main thing...if a couple is beside each other for 24 hrs but yet they don't make an effort to treasure each other, so what if they're together and is able to see each other??....a relationship is suppose to be a sacred thing...being able to find yourself a life partner that understands you, loves you..cares for you will be a blessful thing...one must have belief...believe that wonderful things will happen, even if it doesn't happen, at least we believe before, whether does it happen doesn't really matters..=) having a good belief might lead to good endings..at least by not having a bad belief, it will lessen the chance of getting a bad ending=)

2009-08-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

today was a sad day....actually quite emo in these period...keep thinking..keep reflecting...blaming myself or pushing blame? dun know what i talking..only know very stress...comes from all different areas...family, friends, relationship & work..nth is there to make me happy..nth is there to let me feel that i'm not alone..nth..everyday woken up either from cries or working stress..listen to me? or just hearing without listening?...so many things bottled inside up...no one to talk to...say already so what? no one understands...only could keep watching taiwan idol show to make myself smile..at least for a small peroid of time..

2009-08-03T08:03:00.001-07:00

hehe..i only got 2 mins to blog cos my sis wan to take back her laptop..muhahaha..i only wan to say my fatty tian is over!!!:'( sob..next time 10am no fatty tian to make me happy liao..=(..but i like the ending..so sweet..

throughout the show, she showed her courage to pursue the love that she wanted..at last her prince did appeared..haha..i'm going to have fairy tale dream tonight..hopefully the right person will appear in my dreams too..=)

2009-07-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

boring~~sun at home nth to do~~but now watching this show now..at first was this women and men kana step 2 boats by another men and women...then become they fell in love..one of their friend, is a chef..was not so fortunate like them..his wife died..and he was so sad..cos he keep making his wife wait for the things that he should do with her, but in the end his wife die of cancer..erm..isn't it too late to regret when the person you love died?

but he said something very touching anyway..he married his wife not because he thought that she was one of the best choice amount his female friends...but rather is because he cannot lived without her...what if in real life really there is such a man..so touching..a man that lets a women knows how important she is to him..and being with her is not because of one of the choice but is because he really wanna be with her forever..haha..my and my fairy tale mindset again=)

2009-07-15T02:31:00.000-07:00

wo..i'm bored..yesterday gei kiang..went back to work when still haven't recover..today take 1 more rest day..hope boss won't be angry with me..:p.. anyway my office got 2 ppl kana h1n1 liao..and 1 of them is sitting beside my sis, another one is sitting beside dear..and now although i recover liao...become dear and sis got flu..haiz..quite worry for them..but done some research..i think they dun have h1n1 la..maybe just normal flu like me..=)..yesterday when everyone know i sick, wa treat me like monster like that..haha..actually i only feel giddy then no flu..after i wear the stupid mask become i got flu lo..block my nose for whole day..now just recover can manage to breathe only...god..faster recover then can go back to work liao..=) feel so pig..keep sleeping..cos finish eat medicine liao so sleepy..

2009-07-12T04:14:00.000-07:00

its a sunday~~and i spend most of my day to sleep...kana fever again liao...sian..almost every 2 months i sick 1 time...continue like this i think the doctor will start to give me discounts when i see him..cos he sees me so frequently till i become his regular customer..haha..:p..

haiz..sorethroat..still thinking should i go work tmr or not..erm..evening going to watch movie with alvin and gang..i wanna to go!..but now i feel so weak..head so pain..dun know tmr temperature will rise again or not..if tmr i go work kana catch by hk i got fever i think he'll ask me to pack bag go home..cos scared i got h1n1..haha..:p..touch wood..

god..later still got appointment to go cut hair at night..erm should i go also..tiring..

2009-07-05T00:40:00.000-07:00

woo~!!finally blogging again..haha..this few weeks..wa..super tired..work tired..go out tired..no mood at all lo..haiz..

work: more and more work load coming up liao..like mountain like that..and i'm still trying to figure out every of my team mate's character..who can i trust, who are those that i can't trust..process of this is halfway through..even more must be careful during work...so stressss~~~~~but no choice..its my work..either i be careful or i die..somemore is die already or kana shoot also dun know how i die wan..sounds politic right..haha..it is!!..women are scary creatures..muhahaha..including me:p..but ok i shall just use my "clever" brain to guard against them..haha..i'm a strong cockroach! won't get beaten down so easily..even if i do i'll still stand up again to fight them off..no one shall bully me!..raw~~~~

other than working..i think my life is plain lo..cos i almost everyday also OT..damn tiring..haiz..but i enjoyed my day yesterday with dear..he bought a new slipper for me=D and treat me to movies..hehe..in return we go eat sakae sushi~~~!!yum yum.sounds nice right..haha..we both are damn full lo..ok...the next ones who i'll be treating is ling gang and the blk 75 alvin gang liao..haha..i think hor..my weight is increasing by a lot! cos i keep eating good stuff..haha..bua tahan myself..keep eating eating and eating..no exercise..damn lazy..how nice it would be if i got money to go for slimming programme..haha..:p..

2009-06-21T02:08:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah...finally got into this stupid blog..laptop hang..so sian..sad..no afternoon naps for me..either got woken up by stupid ppl if not my room gets occupy by some brainless & useless ppl..well..hope i faster move out of here..

anyway at least today's tv is not bad..just watched a korean old show..the male lead inside is so handsome and brave lo..when the female lead is in trouble, he just fight his way out...wa~~so prince feeling..haha..i think i shall continue to daydream about my prince & hope it'll come true one fine day..=)

2009-06-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

yeah...start work around 1 week le..my new team not bad..haha..all is women!..muhahaha..like it a lot..i can sense that i got a lot of things to learn from them..not only knowledge on work but also life ba..can sense that they're all nice ppl..hope i can faster blend into the team..=)

today going back office to help my beloved sis to unpack her stuff..argh..cos move to new office..hope we won't be packing very long..hehe..and i'm going to bring lots of food over to place on my table first!...woo hoo..finally get what i wish for..haha..a table that really belongs to me that i can decorate with lots of pink staff and food...muhahahahaha..evil laughter..anyway i got one team mate also like pink..haha..and she's sitting beside me..and she say that our boss dislike pink so seldom go disturb her..good! then i shall buy more of my favourite pink to scare him off! yesh!...=D..

was browsing through my friendster photos although i very long nv log in le..haha..erm really miss those happy moments in the past when i had a great time with chari...with serene and gang...with ling and gang...=D..i know now that we've all graduate..everyone is looking for their own career paths and love paths...but i still wan to tell u all that, i won't forget u all..=) although i might be busy working and no energy to go out le..but deep in my heart, no one will be able to replace all the positions of the good and best friends=D...best wishes will still come from me to you all..real friends..no matter how far they are..how long they haven't been seeing each other..but the feeling of friendship will always remain...and all of you are my real friends that i do cherish...wish u all good luck in life...=D..smile always..;)

2009-06-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

tmr will be starting work with kristine and all le..very nervous..hope i'll be able to catch up fast..and won't affect sis in anyway..and also..hope that our relationship doesn't change..some of the things are not what you see and think..hope u can learn to put down the invisible wall within you & learn to think from different angle..i will learn how to see from different angle too..also wishing that i'll have some encouragement from you..thanks for going to night safari with me on sat too & bring me to eat ice cream=)..

2009-05-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

yeah back from dinner le..=) today is my last day in worker's support team..but not e2i..& its really last day for sing wei in e2i...we took quite a lot of photos with sing wei..hope he has happy memories with us..=D..Aishah and Susan treated me, sing wei & his gf dinner...i feel awkard cos i'm quite anti-social wan la..but in the end they quite funny la..keep joking about normal stuff lo..=)..and was quite touched la..didnt expect aishah to say one sentence when we were going home..she say dun let ppl bully me...and told me who to look out for lo..ah ya..can feel the sense of care from her lo..susan also told me about her journey when she first came in to e2i..i feel that i'm really very blessed le...with so many "mentors" beside me to guide me..Tues is my real start work day le..

i really hope i must always remember..my main aim is to help ppl..i know i will get a lot of scolding and difficult cases in my new team, but i will firmly believe that as long as my method is right, i won't get bullied by others..and i will treasure all the experience that i absorb cos that's also my objective of entering into work society..=)

ps: i hope our relationship won't change & won't have anymore quarrels anymore. =)

2009-05-24T02:28:00.000-07:00

woo hoo sunday..=) just came back from Hotel RE with sis...she book one night there so that can relax from work...took some pretty pictures there..went slack at hotel one day then went for big seafood dinner at night at darling's mum restaurant!! haha..yummy yummy=D eat and eat and eat..eat until my stomach bloated and nearly explode..=D..then when we're at east coast we saw this weird cat..it was walking and digging sand around on the beach..so we went to folllow it..it continuously dig a few holes & sat on it, position is like wanting to shit..but it didn't..its only after the 5th hole it dig then it shit out! yucks..i saw the whole process lo~~then i concluded the cat got constipation & lao sai cos the shit that came out was a bit watery haha..but the cat was cute la..hee..=D.. but i think next time when i walk on the sand i'll be more careful just in case i step on cat or dog's shit..:p..

YUMMY CRAB! =D a bit warm at restaurant though..hee..

scallop with yam rings..=D

Chilli crab..blink blink..yummy!

sis & me=D

cat who has constipation & lao sai at the same time..:p

goosh! everything's in pink...muhahaha..

toilet is in pink too! aim to be my future toilet..hee..

2009-05-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

fate..is such an amazing thing..what's the probability of 2 person meeting up with each other? maybe is 1 divided by the total amount of people who are in the whole world..then what is the probability of 2 person ending up together..and what's the chances of really getting marry & remembering each other in their hearts until one of them die..what is the chances of having pure love which started from begining to last till marriage..till having children..till having grandchildren & then till the day which one of them passed away..

love between partners, are supposely the happiness of both..just like a crystal ball which is being hold on by both parties..when one of them slightly give up or do something wrong..its like removing their fingers bit by bit from the ball..when both pairs of hands has been removed..ball of crystal love will fall & all the efforts will be gone..life is full of twist and turn..everything that yu thought that you'll get it shortly or definitely, might just disappear in front of you due to a little twist in fate..

PS: just wanna to remain simple & happy, will always be reminded to come back to the same starting point when i lost my way in love..i may keep losing my way but i will definitely find my way back every now & then..believe..believe that as long as you won't let go i will be back again..=)

2009-05-22T07:02:00.000-07:00

fos fdesufnoc..fi fma fgnileef fdesufnoc fthgir fwon, nudf wonkf ohwf otf klatf otf..fnud fwonk frehtehw fi fma fthgir fro fgnorw..if leeff tahtf if maf fgnorw ftub ftey fi fllits feunitnoc fot fevah fesoht fdnik ffo fgnileef fhcihw fi fkniht fsi fgnorw...maf if yllaerf sif nif feht gnorwf rof sif tif socf fof ehtf noisserpmif tahtf if fotg morff uoyf? fi fma fhcus fa felbirret fnemow..if leeff osf nixf ukf..fyhw fma fi fgnileef fsiht fyaw fyawyna..

2009-05-17T10:34:00.001-07:00

really is god damn..now is 1.30am early in monday morning and i've no one to talk to that i've to blog here...damn it..really is dun know when all these nightmare will end..every weekends sure kana woken up..then damn, now triston kana flu again..morning vomitted 2 times..1st time early in 7am vomit on my bed..i was shock by him & wake up to change my bloody bedsheet. damn..just now when i turned in at 11pm..toss and turn toss and turn finally wan to fall asleep at around 12 plus liao then he wake me up again...also same pattern..climb down the bed to disturb me..carry him walk her pat him all no use...really dun know wat to say. if continue like that i sunday sure won't stay at my own house to sleep...god damn..sunday night is a crucial night for me to start a new week...now that i'm always woken up who will be in the mood to work...damn..think i tmr won't go work liao..maybe tonight i'll just sleep in toilet..ha! my mum even funnier..ask me to sleep beside my piano, which is at my doorstep where all our shoes are there..i think i might as well sleep with candy better..so much fur..no need blanket liao..

ok..now is 2am in the morning..glad that i've darling & jie to talk to..make me less angry liao but i still dun wan to go back to sleep..can't fall asleep=(

2009-05-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

yesh!!..its a friday night!!omg..damn tired..more and more tired..dun know why..anyways yesterday was my interview with big boss..haha..he's really that scary that everyone mentioned him as..and he likes to suan ppl lo..hee..luckily leh..luckily i already upgrade my bullet vest ah..upgrade until when he suan me i dissolve away his bullets..hee..but ok la..i was in there for half hr..damn long lo..and i was quite nervous..and the room is so cold..shit..make me shiver..had to cross my leg to bear with the coldness lo..=( dun know will he hire me and which team will i be send to if i'm hired..

anyway today help out in one of the events..quite relaxing but its the waiting time and long hrs that make me feel tired..think i have to put more oil into my body oil tank so that i can jia more you next week..=)

PS: hope everyone in my life will be happy, things that has come to an end its time to let it go..god has never mean to block all our roads, when one path has been closed, use yr heart to sense for the new opening path, sometimes its our own heart that close ourselves up. no matter what happen in the past, it has passed..so just look forward to your future & smile always. =)

2009-05-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

omg!!i miss u so much yunyun blog~~~:'( sob sob..recently my laptop spoil..dun know is spoil or it has to do with my previous school configuration..they say my user profile can't be loaded when i finish typing my pw..=(

u all must be wondering how i type now then...hee..i'm using my sis extremely small laptop..can u believe it..my hands and fingers are already very small..so when i say her laptop is small..it really is one..=(...

tmr is going for my interview to become permanent staff le..i'm really very nervous and scared...erm..i heard about scary stories of my big boss..but erm..i shall just try my best la..whether he hires me or not is really out of my control le...

recently they hire more temps again leh..hee hee hee...aishah say give me control some..hee hee hee..evil laughter..ah ya..no la..i'm happy cos got more ppl to help me and yee auntie liao..then i won't be so stress sometimes..=)..wei jie say i got a lot of white hairs..so sad..nvm..hee..wait till my hair grow long long then i'll perm it..=) hope it won't look auntie..

2009-05-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

yeah today is friday again..has been a very tiring week, but finally they just hired 1 new temp to come help me..hee..so honor..got ppl to help me when i'm just a temp also:p....anyways, just now when i was at work, i really feel like blogging to tell a story of one of my job seekers today..so blessed..=) maybe cos i'm always thinking of a romantic princess and prince life, so i felt her story had quite an impact on me..although i already repeated 2 times telling eileen & weijie but i'm still going to note it down here..=)

the whole thing goes like that..actually i was talking to her, finding out what upgrading courses can she go for, but before i open my mouth, she told me she's deaf on 1 side of her ear. so i had to talk louder, and when i was wondering how come she's so brave, when she's already half deaf, she still sign up for our class. then she told me, she came with her husband..story starts here..she said that her husband dote on her a lot..before she married her, he already knew that she's deaf, has other type of disorders, for example her skin is extremely sensitive, her back bone is not good, but yet he still choose to marry her. Furthermore, he promise her dad that he'll provide happiness for her & take well care of her for the rest of their lives. Then she mentioned, he really did it, for the past 20 years, he didn't let her go out to work, he himself carry the whole family burden up, and he even will help her do housework!!..and will ask the kids to dote on their mum, help her do housework too..omg..really is..so blessed to marry him..i could feel her sense of happiness..if not for her husband's business fail due to his money got cheated by his own partner, she won't have need to come out to look for job..

ok..haha..i know i'm naggy..but i'm not trying to be a rich tai tai here..what i'm trying to say is..it's really very difficult to find someone who loves u for who u are and not mind if u've physical disorder..and a man..who helps u to do housework when he himself is already very tired at work as he's the only one at home who is able to bring food to put on table..most importantly after all these years, he's love didn't fade but increase, which can be seen through the actions he does..wa..really touching..i'm so envious of her..=) but ok la..haha..my dear also treat me not bad..quite good actually..hehe....;) :p..

2009-04-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

YOU BITCH!!..now is not even 7.45am in the morning, and its labor day!!..and i'm sick!!..damn it..keep coming in and out of the room to instruct my mum!...damn it..i'm really so angry...i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!......argh!!...more than hating u..and you're not even worth to be a bitch cos u're lower than that...shit..dun know how long must i endure with u and yr brainless husband...hate to be sick in this family cos i won't even able to have my proper rest unless i take leave and sleep during afternoon..no no..afternoon triston will come in and spoil my sleep too!!..argh..then i'll have to move to sofa...damn..i really wish to move out soon...money money..if only i could have a lot of money..so that i would bring my whole family move out and leave both of u..u 2 are the ugliest creature in this world..

2009-04-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

omg! thanks a lot darling!!love u lots!!..hehe..muackie!..sorry so long then thank you..haha..i just received your post card!!..the card was sent to wrong house..my neighbour today then check her letter box and pass the card back to me..hehe..anyway darling, u brighten up my day!!..ok..i shall put more oil then do more work..hehe..dun worry i'll have enough rest=D cos i today mc at home..tired liao will rest de no worries!!...muackie darling!!...and i love u all too, yee auntie, & sweet heart jie!...=D

working might reduce our time to be together but it won't reduce the feelings and links that our hearts have..=)

2009-04-29T06:44:00.000-07:00

why why why..still sick haven't recover..this whole week nv go down to RC cos really no voice..erm..dun know what aishah and rohani will think of me..now whole family also sick..but more sick thing is my parents cannot rest still have to take care of triston..really is shit the both of them..anyway..thanks dear..for sending me home a lot of times in this week..i hope by next week i can recover then can really do my work efficiently..

today already no voice..theresa still ask me call so many ppl=( i think add up got 50 ppl..shit..at first is runny nose, no voice..then now become sorethroat and totally no voice..argh..nvm..shall drink more honey water and herbal tea..luckily yee auntie got help me call a bit..if not have to call more ppl..

2009-04-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

sneeze sneeze..blow blow nose..rub rub nose..why must i be sick at this week, at this time..when i got pile of work to do=( tmr will be sent down to RC..shit..sing wei haven teach me how to handle the training allowance thing..haiz..sad..dun even know will i have voice to talk to job seekers tmr..thinking back of the queue everyday at RC..omg..nvm..i think i'll spread my germs to them lo..=p..

that triston got fever..cry whole night..shit..half an hr cry one time..one time cry for 15 mins..at first i only sorethroat & flu..then nv sleep whole night become i have fever also..shit..how nice if i have my own room to sleep in..nvm..at least i think now fever of mine gone down liao..later go see doc..hope by tmr i'll recover ba..this month is April..i think i've been sick for like 4 to 5 times from Jan till now..every month sick once..-_-'' money all go to doctor liao..=( that means lesser money to buy things to decorate my office table..

2009-04-25T01:21:00.000-07:00

yeah graduate lo~

actually this photo we took wrong cert..haha..i'm taking his, he's taking mine..

blink blink~luckily can pass..=D

humble bro with his cert..

office lady?

finally it's sat..can sleep till i like le..this morning just went to collect my diploma cert with jonathan..then both of us took some pictures with my hp..the problem is..i didn't set properly my hp settings..in the end all the photo we take size is very small!~ah ya...no choice..hee..at least still can see la..=D..one of the photo he say i look like office lady..omg..meaning i am old liao lo..face mature & old liao...=(

2009-04-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

wa..so long nv blog liao..yun yun is back in again everyone=D..erm..sorry about the previous blog..a bit emo though..but i'm fine now le..with wei jie..so all my sis dun need to worry k..hehe..=D..

erm..these few days..nth much..other than data entry..also kana instruct down to the referral centre where i have to talk to job seekers..well..guess u all won't know what am i talking about..but that's the job i hate most la..i dun like it not because i have to deal with maybe fierce and old ppl..i dun like it cos i'm not given proper training before they assign me there lo..then everytime go down there like blur blur..not enough confidence..i dun like it when i dun have confident in something..

anyway..su jeng just sent me this link..so poor thing..u all can watch it to remind ourselves that how fortunate we are.=) everything goes back to basic..depends on how we look at things from our heart..different heart has different perspective & point of view. it's true that human are different cos we grow up in different environment & also cos of our own character..but changes in environment & type of environment doesn't mean we must bow down to it..imagine that we bring in our "city thinking" into that kind of environment..we might have die & starve to death. anyway enjoy the video guys..=)

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

2009-04-13T05:08:00.000-07:00

confused..maybe i really need more time to adjust myself..but really dun like it when u compare me with her..do u really understand me & know me? maybe u won't understand how i feel. but what if i say i u're like kennia. u're same as him? how will u feel?...i just need and want a simple relationship..

2009-04-12T01:44:00.000-07:00

wo hoo~~its sunday!..=D so tired..hee..had a very happy weekend..friday went down to expo with sis and my dearie wei jie..=)..thanks a lot dear..for helping us to carry the heavy stuff..and help to choose a new set of things everytime when we want to buy a certain thing..hee..a bit auntie though..

yesterday went out with dear and lunch kaki gang..had a really fun & happy day!..haha..although the movie was a bit boring & we really spent a lot of expenses..but i feel that its worth it..=)..had a very happy time in Minds cafe..play board games and all with alex they all..laugh until my tears roll down & my stomach very pain..hehe..at night went to pub..but i only drink green tea la..see how they play..actually was worried that dear drunk, need to take care of him so decided to follow them to pub..not bad..pub is very small so ok la..not complicated..=D..although a bit not used to the environment but overall i'm still very happy..hehe..

after ending my day with dear & lunch kaki then went over to serene's house for gathering..hehe..although chat for a while but really happy to see my sisters again..=) know about each of our life..that zalina ah..still tell me she went ROM with her bf..scared me to death sia..i really thought it was real then after that she tell me jk only..haha..cheat my feeling..blea..:p..although i know eileen is going to get married but i still think it's still very young for our age to get settle down..she with her bf for years that one dun say la..but erm..i just started with dear..really hope we can make it through together & not giving up when obstacles reach us again..

2009-04-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

you're right..i'm really very happy everyday..i have my friends around me..i have the love ones around me..i have everything even though i dun have enough sleep everyday. i know that you're under medication now, hope you'll get well soon. But honestly, i can't help much..ask yourself honestly, is it that you just wan a company or is it cos of other factors that made u come back again?..i dun wish to know..i only wish to tell u..me alone..is leading a happy life..i dun wish to go back to the past again. until now, my scar in my heart has not disappear..dun think le amos..dun keep thinking of the past..move to your future..

the most important thing is not that you have fallen down or made any wrong decision. the most important thing is you must know how to stand up..since you say that you've made a wrong decision in the past..then dun make it again now & in future..treat the ppl around you with your heart..not your temper..treat your future gf well and not do any things to betray her..hope you'll understand one day & see the light..

2009-03-28T06:54:00.001-07:00

yeah~~today is sat..hehe..pay is coming out soon..=( but so sad..so little money..have to minus this minus that for all the expenses...sian..today is 1st day of Qing Ming festival, where we need to pray to our ancestors..surprisingly..i went to Bishan temple to pray every year as usual, then i saw daniel there!..haha..omg..can't believe it..a moment ago i was just thinking of him that i won't see him there, dun know for what reason will think of him suddenly, then the next minute i heard someone calling my name, who is him..haha..my brother..so long nv see him liao. anyway..haha..very funny..he kana scolding from his mum cos he called out my name..his praying table was directly behind me..then when he call out my name..his mum say, u think this is shopping centre, u're shopping ah..still can anyhow call your friends..must pray properly..:p..make me so pai seh..haha..so i faster walk away without greeting his parents..:p..

2009-03-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

is it true that love nowadays really has no such thing as forever anymore? is it true that after the honeymooon period has passed by, couples can just relax down and not think of anything to spice up the relationship? is it a fact that after getting married for a period, the relationship is just like a tea bag which has been brewed over and over again, until it's even plainer than plain water?

i've come to a conclusion, no matter you're pretty, or ugly, you'll still get the same probability of getting betrayed by your lover..women..thought that by putting children & husband above them, they'll have a blissful ending. its not wrong to do that..but in the first place, does men knows and understand what we're going through? men..thinks that running a household is easy..doing housechores are so easy..teaching children are just about chatting & kissing their forehead when they see them for few mins..is that true? if it is then try doing it on themselves without any help. worse of all is not when you do everything for them, it's when they don't appreciate you at all, that's when the most hurting part..

and women out there, who tries to spoil ppl's relationship..beware..because when a men ditch his gf or wife just to leave with u..one day they will also have the guts to ditch you for another women.

2009-03-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

actually today nth much to blog..hee..cos its sunday..other than doing housework nth more..go jogging lo..so pai seh today..went jogging..one shot jog think around 2.4km then after finish i slow down..shit..nearly black out.actually its black out le..but i keep breathing in more oxygen to keep myself from not fainting lo..-_-''..lousy me..haiz..if really faint on the floor think will be on tmr's newspaper, " jogging is an exercise to be healthy or causes harm to human body"..-_-''..then all my face can throw into drain liao..

anyways..was thinking of one sentence to cheer raymond up..so busy nowadays..feel like robbot..till i dun even feel like stepping out of house to go out on weekends. every morning like same as those drivers that drive to work de lo..but my car is bus 11..everyday reach raffles, then all the ppl like car like that..drive up to the escalator..then all drive towards same direction. till there's a split way..u'll see some of the "cars" driving towards that direction..hee..even after work also same..expressway..busy lifestyle..anyways back to topic..i went to see everyone's blog to see how's all my buddies and friends are doing..=) thought of this sentence to cheer him up cos he seems more sad..so can blog here..=) think it makes sense to me..when next time i also sad i can use my own sentence to cheer myself up..hee..my sisters out there..hope it'll help u all too.=D

here's the sentence i've thought of:

happiness is decide by oneself. every morning when you're awake, you've 2 choices.1 is to be unhappy,2 is to be happy for the day.although sun rise & sun set cycle appears everyday, but the time which has passed is never the same. treasure everything & be brave to pursue your happiness for which life is only once & what's past will not be the same anymore. =)

2009-03-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

contentment, differs in different ppl, due to their surrounding environment, due to their thinking, due to the situation that they faced, and many things. sometimes, i really think, what does it mean to be happy for me? getting to earn lots of money? getting to make myself doll up and buy expensive clothes? or trying to win everyone & compare myself with them. in the end, i realise that i wan nth..i just wan everyone beside me, ppl who are important to me to be happy. everywhere is heaven if you know how to be content with simple things. expectations is also link with the contentment inside us. is it really that hard to be happy or it is that humans are too greedy. when we earn $1, we would want to earn $10, when we earn $10, we would want to earn $100. what is enough? and when will be enough?..i dun know how much must i save to earn enough money, but i just wan my parents to be happy, to let them know that their daughters love them a lot.=)..

as for love, happiness, sadness, painfulness, all those is just a learning process for ppl who're in love to mature, to grow up, hopefully. maybe you may feel that i'm coward not to open myself, but actually, i'm not shutting myself up. i just wan my life experience to be more fulfilling rather than just to have a love relationship. in a relationship, it takes up a lot of time to "shape" it into the "perfect" relationship that you want it to be. but, it doesn't mean that the 100% effort that you've put in, will gurantee you 100% results. maybe, it'll let you have painfulness only..

2009-03-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

why everytime when i come in to blog most likely its something unhappy that happen. i hate it when my right eyes twitch, not superstitious or what, but everytime when right eye twitch my family will sure quarrel. sometimes i think if i'm born earlier, which is around the same age as my brother, i think i will have the ability to protect my parents. if this continue to go on, i think one day my mum won't even have the rights to eat. when eating time also must take care of triston, this is even worser than a maid, ppl dun even bother to care u all eat already or not ah..everytime kana bully then complain to me, what can i do man? can..say a few sentence for both of you then kana chase out of house again lo. not as if it didn't happen before. ask u all to stand up for yourself, you all dun wan..keep quiet..nvm..its ok..just because he's the only son then need to dote on him so much ma..see la..now kana bully by own son. faint, so ridiculous..think this is the only place that i can throw all my grumbling at after absorbing all the complains from you all..

2009-03-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

tuesday lo~~3 more days is fri..hee.i sound like someone here..always hoping for fri to come..previously i was hoping sat to come, but now theresa suddenly say sat dun need us to work lo..so now i'm consider free on sat and sun le..=) need to go for facial liao..so long nv go whole face is going to be a goner..-_-''..

nth much happened..very happy with my work life although everyday is like a robbot..is still wondering what will i do in future..i know that i won't stay here forever as a admin staff. and i'm not used to office politics..erm..i love peace and harmony=)..but i think everywhere also will have politics de hee.. these few days lunch went with wei jie and all..very happy..keep making me laugh until my stomach very pain..keep teasing kennia..hee..thanks all for making my day brighter.=) lunch is the only thing that i look forward to cos i'll have a big smile. =)

2009-03-14T04:55:00.001-07:00

today is sat..work full day come back already very tired..reach home only mum say family quarrel again...just because of triston again. really dun understand what does the bitch wants. always pick on dad, tell story to bro then in the end dad's things got thrown out in the streets..first time see dad complain to me about what they did to him until he was tearing. tired..very tired..i'm really trying very hard to be happy. i'm really trying very hard to be on myself. i really trying very hard to be strong. but i'm tired..every month, at least one big quarrel. i'm even starting to suspect, the other side me of, which no one can sees but only i do, is growing bigger and fiercer. i dun know how long the rationality inside me can hold on to and i dun know when will i break down. from today onwards, i shall save every penny up and not anyhow spend, so that i'll buy over the house from him and chase that whole family out. the only family member i'll recognise will be triston and no one else. i dun have a brother, i will only have one sister, and all the more i dun have a women name bitch that belongs to my family. sometimes really wonder, after they die, will my grandmother punish them, can heaven see anything? will heaven punish them?

2009-03-13T07:03:00.000-07:00

the yellow doggy~=)

retarded me & stunned look triston..hee..

rainbow!

hee..finally my hp can connect to my laptop through cable but dun know when it will have errors again..so i got all the photos in my laptop=D can post le..the rainbow photos..the yellow dog soft toy in office which i kidnap from wei jie, and which actually original owner is my sister...muhahaha..and..took some retarded photos of me and triston together..hee..he went to pluck out the rubber cushion yesterday then i just put on his head so that he can't keep plucking out the cushion.

and..this is for u idiot. u know i'm talking about u. Stop adding me in facebook cos i won't accept and can u just leave my life and leave me alone. i just wanna to have peace. what nonsense u are going through is not my business. and dun tell me your bd is coming so u dun deserve this. it is not my business~~i won't forget how you nearly screw up my whole bd. luckily it was save by my bunch of sisters. just get out, i dun expect anything back from you and whatever that happens in the past i'll just forget about it. i'll just pretend that we've nv known each other, i'm really tired le..

2009-03-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

just reach home..today heard theresa say that she's going to transfer swee hee back to red hill..then alex is leaving on friday for his new job..i'm so sad lo..all my lunch ka ki gone..next week onwards dun know what to do..dun expect me to go follow the temp go eat lo..they're couple, somemore i dun mix with them de..suddenly follow like so weird..ah ya..so sad la..haiz..most likely i'll go back to redhill to eat with eileen lo..if not i pack lunch and eat alone in pantry..omg..sounds so pathetic..=(..

anyway watching the housewife's holiday drama now..haha..so funny lo..very realistic. women responsibility is really very heavy..haha..but why must we take all the responsibility?is it true that when you love someone you'll contribute more? so does it boils down to the fact that after a men marries you, he no longer love you that much thats why he's running away from different kind of responsibility? or is there a rule set down by heaven that women must give in more, must do more than men? blea..dun believe in that...only believe in myself. wait until my "prince" appear i think i starve to death liao..hehe..

2009-03-09T05:53:00.000-07:00

i dun wan and dun wish to repeat myself over and over again. last time i'm warning you to get out of my life!..dun make me scold bad words, and so sorry, u are not worth at all for getting me so angry. you wan to kill yourself and drink then fine! go ahead!..do you still think by letting me see alll the cuts you have on your hands i'll be soft hearted again? the answer is no, its your body u wan to die, fine, get lost from my sight and die further, i dun care. you are one..selfish is not even enough to describe you. you only think of yourself and all, when you've someone to accompany you then you'll totally forget about my existence. is only when there's no one caring for you, you'll think of me, someone who'll let u make used of? talking to you totally waste my breathe. dun make me block your number too, I WILL DO THAT IF YOU CONTINUE TO DISTURB MY LIFE!!! last warning, GET OUT OF MY LIFE!. dun need to come let me know how blessful u are that you've a gf. couples may not be blessful and singles may not be lonely. for i am not lonely at all cos i got all my friends and sisters, who needs a man, all the more i dun need a man like you idiot!..

2009-03-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

jie's wishing moment=) 4 buddies:)

group photos!!=D

everybody good morning=) today is a sunday morning, which means it's my only rest day of the week..finally can rest liao=) although no difference, quite early wake up liao a 8 but luckily i woke up early. cos that women's parents came our house to visit their grandson. plus, dun know what they're drilling lo, so noisy.hee..if i still asleep i sure very pissed..

a lot of things happy during this few days but just got not enough time and energy to write..=)..but when now i wan to write, i only remember yesterday's matter..hee..STM.

yesterday was jie's bd, so yee auntie and me worked half day then went over to help her lo..before we meet jie, we meet ling first to eat pasta at waraku. so nice right, hear the restaurant name..but hor, me and yee auntie eat until no appetite..that ling lo..order that black black squid plus squid ink pasta..whole thing was in black lo..omg..nvm..worse is ling keep playing with her food until yee auntie nearly vomited..haha..but cannot waste la..the pasta we eat expensive leh..luckily nv vomit out. but in the end i still manage to finish cos i dun wan to look at ling's nonsense lo..haha..too bad, she dun let me take photos if not i sure post here..hee..

then after that went over to jie's house..was raining heavily..had to help her carry things from her house to the RC..think it's some sort like community centre..hee..when we were walking to the RC, one car drive into that pile of water and all the water splash onto yee auntie..haha..damn funny lo..but very bad la..ah ya..got help her wipe away those water la..haha..quite a relax but tiring day yesterday..=) i tired until when taking photos eyes cannot even open liao when my eyes is already very small..took a group photo also yesterday..going to put in my office=) at least when stress or what got something to motivate me..haha..

2009-03-04T05:36:00.001-08:00

today is my second day at OMB..erm..although there's no one nagging me for the forms, but i still like red hill more. staying at raffles office makes me feel like a robbot..morning cannot walk relax to work de..even if u wan to walk slow, ppl behind u walk damn fast then push push push, sian then u also kana push to become walk fast..go home also like that lo, only difference is lesser ppl only. the only method that you can dun let ppl push u is hor, u walk very very very fast then walk infron until no one is in front of you then u slow down and walk at your own pace..hee..

another thing why i like redhill more is cos, at least lunch hr, you got place to sit in the hawker centre and there's small and cheap snacks for me to buy back to office to eat. over here, shit..lunch time use to be my favourite, now i dun even have appetite to eat, so crowded!~~really must use the tissue to "kope" the seat plus table...why~~~=(..

ah ya, tired tired tired, but only good thing is swee hee and alex they all got come with me..hee.so at least still got my kakis..=D..and my place right can see sea view, although half of it is block by construction works lo. and, my stupid hp, can take photos cannot upload!! what kind of stupid hp is this man..haiz..so sad..=(..i heard from sis by end of month, good thing la, but bad thing is sing wei is leaving lo~~which means i have to go down to screen ppl again...and sit beside my supervisor...~~~argh..another form of stress..haha..even though now no one supervise me is i supervise ppl but erm, still will feel a bit stress. today nearly scold the 2 new temps lo, repeat so many times also get wrong. haiz..nvm, in the end i still slowly repeat again. but, if they tmr let me check that they're wrong again i think my blood vessels will burst..haha..:p..bad temper..but new worker sure will do wrong things de, like when i first entered..haha..also very irritating keep asking sing wei they all..now also the same la, now is ask wei jie and alvin..haha..but lesser chances to ask. one is because i'm not in the office le, another is cos more "experience", but there's still a lot of things for me to learn..=) good luck to myself, hope i can survive it through..may be just a start..

2009-03-02T05:09:00.000-08:00

today is a up and down day for me..at first really felt quite ok de..happy normal me..then when going home tat time..here comes the problem..=(..i total keyed in 100 plus forms today(cannot edit ones), and i've labelled it properly thinking that i'm very neat. but when going home time, yee auntie say come help me, then i say ok. but how careless i am, i didn't tell her those already marked papers are those that i've done, in the end she messed up liao, file wrong thing. now all my efforts gone, have to recheck those 3 "suspicious" files again lo..1 file at least is like 100 plus entries..i feel so guilty lo..instead of helping alvin then i give him more work to do. wanted to help him sette those temp staff can't be edited forms but now i make him have to check all the 3 files. worse of all the office system is so slow, one day do at most like 50 or 60 u already consider miracle le..then now..haiz..dun know how many days he need to check. and he so good didn't scold me, all the more i feel guilty lo. not blaming anyone, but just myself on the carelessness part. i could have tell her i file in myself then nth will go wrong liao. but will still thanks her for wanting to help me la..anyway this kind of feeling is just very sucky la..can imagine whole day do this stupuid entries then within like few mins all your efforts gone plus u got extra work to do..but i think alvin feeling more sucky than me..haha.. :p..still got time for jokes. haiz..nvm la..what's happen already happen..tmr then go back and redo everything lo..=( sucky day for me..

fuck up

2009-02-28T23:25:00.000-08:00

haiz..today is sunday leh..suppose to be my only day of rest day throughout the week...shit..room occupy by that idiot..cannot sleep..=( ...so tired..a bit fed up with both of them also..cannot sleep already nvm liao, sit in living room keep telling me to carry him..stupid..u got no hands to carry ah..say u not free..shit, think i stupid...u inside room playing your stupid computer games lo. dun know whose son is this..argh..grumpy grumpy grumpy without enough sleep..-_-''..........i wan to have a good rest with both of them plus their son out of this house, that is call real peace!..

2009-02-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

yeah...wei jie say that there will be a new data entry team whom will work at night..hee..so i might..might only..not send to raffles head quarter..hee..that means i can save money on my food..and i can eat together with my kaki friends..hehe..although now is 2nd week..not many friends la..but ok la..start to know one by one better lo..hehe..=) although now everyday have to meet target of keying how many pieces, but at least everyday after work i'm happy. cos i acomplished something today. =)..i will still hold on tight to my goal, which is to earn and save lots of money..

same thing..come back home hear her nag..keep picking on little things lo..then say dad also..haiz..used to it..nvm, i good mood pretend i hear nth..then of cos..dad complain to me lo..in the end i still have to absorb everything and swallow it lo..hope these days of them present in house will end. i hope to faster move out..

anyway yesterday walk back from office that time saw rainbow..so beautiful..=) took some pics but angry..hp unable to transfer to laptop leh..dun kow what is wrong with this stupid lg phone lo..haiz..a bit regret that i didn't buy the sony wan..

i hope tmr will be a happy day too, not a disappointed day.

2009-02-25T06:31:00.000-08:00

wa..tired tired tired..thats all i can say..i'm sleeping earlier and earlier lo..10.30pm bong! on the bed..sleep until next morning..hee..

haiz..friday going to get transfer to raffles head quarter to work lo..so sian=( ask me be what leader somemore, shit, this is only my 2nd week here. =( ...hope i can learn new things and experience. dun know my lunch now..no kaki to eat lunch with me liao..=(..nvm..i'll try to be a bit more sociable..hee..i think thats the only thing i mind ba..cos no friends there..i dun mind more work laod..which definitely cannot be avoid, but at least hope got friends..

today saw rainbow when going back home..=D this is the 3rd time in my life i see a rainbow=) hope, things in my life will be like the rainbow..hope all the bad things will go away & good things come one after another..=)

2009-02-21T23:04:00.000-08:00

wohoo..its a sunday, raining, so comfortable to be staying at home to slack=) but not really slacking..hee..did some housework..feel quite a sense of satisfaction. results for this sem will be out tmr, i know mostly the ending won't be good and that i have the face the consequences. hope after all that i've gone through, i'm able to cope with the obstacles given to me in future.

sometimes when watching tv really feel like a "hua chi", hopring that there's a prince appearing in my life to go through all these with me, but i think i think too much..haha.. i believe i can do perfectly well, or even better without the support of a "prince". i think its time to test out my own capability, cos it's only when you're facing all the things alone, that you realise how much are you able to endure and how much are you able to cope with it. erm, who doesn't wants someone to be beside her and she knows that there's a pillar to strength for her when something happen. but when there's no pillar for you, then all i can say is that, too bad lo..haha..must depend on yourself. =)..

boy, i wan u to know that, you can think whatever you wan to think. u can say that i'm hard hearted or what, but to me, what i did is right, i dun know does it benefits you, but it will definitely benefits me. i am selfish, and i know i have my own limits. why is it when i'm facing with all those problems, and worse of all, you are one of them who adds more onto my problem, and that you're not there for me at all. now that you're facing with these problems, although not as serious as mine, i can already feel that you wan someone to be by your side. now you can slightly understand how i was feeling back then ba. and i'm sorry to tell you, i'm not the past shuyun anymore. i've learnt how to protect myself. it's not that i dun wan to help ppl, but i will only help those that deserves my help. those that dun deserve anything from me, i won't even give a single cent. remember, everything in this world is worth your appreciation, they should not be taken for granted. even if there's a roof over your head, you're able to have food, all these are already consider a blessing to us if you know how to appreciate it. same thing, you wan me back, you wan my respect, then you earn it yourself. i won't give anyone my respect without the person earning it from me. but i guess, you'll have the same attitude, then so be it, i dun care, can't even be bothered. what i bother now is those ppl who deserves to be care by me and my own life. thats all, and bye.

2009-02-20T03:58:00.000-08:00

finally today is friday le!!!muhahaha!! i'm like more than half dead. if my life battery is 8/8, i think i'm only left with 3/8..-_-''..today "she" "catch" me to go screen assemment of the job seekers. wa..its like wth..i'm like damn scared lo. with no experience, no knowledge and information, i'm suddenly asked to screen the job seekers to see are they job ready or not. but, the luckily thing is that today i didn't meet into any fierce or difficults one, only naggy ones..hee..but i dun mind.=) then sit beside her, so stress lo..my head leh..i dun even dare to msn..-_-''..

so happy after work..hee..happily came home. then come home only bitch nag. F*** u la..stop pretending u got depression or what lo, u dun have any. u just wan the whole family to act according to what u want and says. oh pls, do u think u're queen or something? i really hate u to the core, and there's nth that can erased off this hatred unless you die. then mum tell me, that she went to pray in temple yesterday and tell me dun go swimming. but she say so softly, i ask her why, she say scared later bitch dun like. WTF lo..now who is the mother in law here. i really cannot stand all of them including my parents. why must they get bullied by them? and most angry thing is they are so willing to get bullied by their own son. i really dun understand. what i wan now is just to make a lot of money and gain power. once i have the power i will be back to deal with u 2. better be careful, whatever u all do to my parents and me, i will remember it deep inside and return back u all 10 times in future. Nv in my life, i hated someone, or someone for so long, at most is like 1 month? I really dun wan it to be like this but u leave me with no choice. I will always remember how u all force me to end up with depression. I won't get it again because for now, i've decided, i must be strong, and i will be. i will return it to u all one day.

2009-02-18T05:42:00.000-08:00

today is my 3rd day at work lo..erm..other than tired i really dun know what to say. today all the data entry work pile up high high like moutain like that..haha..cos xing wei is going to take leave till next week, so i purposely go take all the papers from him, so that i dun have to go in to screen those scary uncles. erm, its not that i dun pity them that they lose their jobs but it's just that, i really cannot afford to let ppl scream at me de, if not i'll automatically cry out..haha..automatic system in body. sis say good to learn from the screening centre, then next time become very thick face, ppl scold also not scared..-_-''..

anyway today i was a bit short tempered lo, cos the system for me to key in damn slow, change one option have to wait for it to load 1 time..can imagine how many things i have to type in..haiz..in got throw temper at yee auntie lo..so sorry..not purposely de. when i short temper better dun come near me for a while if not most likely the person will get from me de..haiz..i hope i can learn a lot of things over here ba=)..

today went back home at 6.45pm, was the 2nd last to leave. although i know a temp no need so hard working la, but i just wanna to get all those things done before i leave lo, at least i feel a sense of satisfaction.=) when walking back home today, although i'm alone but dun know why, i just feel happy and relax=) maybe cos, deep inside my heart, i know that, i am living for myself, i can depend on myself and not anyone else. i am not that weak shuyun when i use to have bf..haha..although now not very strong la, still scared scolding..:p..

erm, yee auntie say jie got her instructor job le, happy for her la, can do the things she like. =) but yee auntie say want to stop the touch ubi project..i admit everyday after work i'm like half dead, but i dun really wan to stop the project lo. since we start something le shouldn't we be responsible to continue it? if it fails i have nth to say, at least we tried, but i dun like it when we haven't even try then want to back off. really dun like it, i dun understand, 4 of us been good friends for these past 3 years, why are we like sand? i believe if everyone of us put heart and patience in, we'll be able to get the project done very fast and achieve good ending de..somemore we're able to help those touch ubi ppl also ma. isn't that our main aim at first? why are we letting go now just of some excuses? i say its excuse cos, its not that we've no time to do, its whether we want to fork out time to do or not..haiz, dun know la..

2009-02-16T05:00:00.000-08:00

today is my first day at work..so nervous until i keep going toilet then got diarrhea..-_-''..and it is so tired..stuck with the system for quite some time. luckily yee auntie is there also..haha..can talk..at least more relax not so nervous=) she also keep going toilet lo..but she's not nervous, its cos she got bladder problems lo..-_-''...but cannot blame her, the air con in the office is like so cold. dun say her, i also feel cold lo..=)..then yee auntie so lame, keep saying that xing wei..i only ask him a few questions then she link me up with him..anyway she bet with me, if i'm together with him in future, i'll buy her meals every now and then. if i dun then too bad it's the other way round..haha..anyway its impossible..hee..erm..office people all quite ok la..except got one supervisor..erm..a bit strict..i think must be extra careful..no play play.. :p..but i see yee auntie's face i sure laugh..-_-''

anyway, sorry boy, i have to do that. i really can't bring myself to forget. your presence is like a reminder that i've a scar in my heart. u take care ba.

2009-02-15T06:14:00.000-08:00

so long nv blog liao,haha..everyday my sis use my laptop so didn't have a chance to blog..tmr start work at sis's office lo. a bit nervous,first time working in office..hee..heard sis say that must beware of some ppl..haha..i will open my eyes and ears big big & protect yee auntie also.=D..haiz..now start work then like no time, i hope we're able to finish the thrift mart project. really hope we're able to help those ppl there. =) since we promised to help le, i dun wan to give up so easily again lo if not in future are we going to give up everything when we meet with some obstacles? nope..of cos not..

wells..yesterday was valentine's day, spend my whole day working as shoes promoter. and today is my last day at work as a shoes promoter. anyway i very sad and angry today, today was damn busy, i start work at 1 till like 6.30pm was totally running in and out of storeroom to get the stupid shoes. then when i thought i can have a good rest, there's no more food selling at the staff canteen..:''( sob sob..so angry..=(..in the end only eat fruits. after working hrs, stayed back a while to help the auntie to pack up stuff, in the end i lost my ez-link card lo..more sad..also break my nail today. so many bad things happen today.=( ..hope tmr start work will be a happy day=D..

2009-02-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

triple guan yin hands

see no evil, say no evil, hear no evil

ling's butt

rarrr~~~

smilezz;)

sleepy..just woke up from my dreams..hehe..returned from chalet not long ago cos was sick..haiz..now feeling better liao at least=) if not need to waste money to see doctor lo..still thinking..can't be food poisoning..my stomach is like a rubbish bin and so strong..only food poisoning incident was when i drank an expired yakult when i was young..other than that when i eat expire food, i also didn't have any stomach ache or vomit.

anyway, i really had fun in yee auntie's chalet=) with my darling, with my yee auntie and with my jie.=D took some funny photos..ling also took some weird photos of herself lo..haha..if she send me i sure post here de..one photo looks like she's flying without one leg..haiz..if i were not sick then could have take even more photos..didn't have a chance to take photo with yee auntie..nvm see she's free on her real bd or not..then go out with her=D..

last night, talk to priscilla, it's been a very long time i nv see her le, both of us talk about what happened to us in this whole year, we realise that we both had to stay back for half a semester cos she also has family problems. i found someone to eat with me liao at least..=)..heard that the timing of our schl lesson has changed..well..no matter what i've still have to stand up from where i fall. i must remember, my aim is to earn lots of money to move out, so, in order to do that, i must graduate with good grades first. i believe i can do it, as long as i'm not afraid to go through the obstacles. there's nth to be afraid anyway, its just a standing up process..hope that both of us will make it through successfully. =) other than studies, she also say she's going to bring me to what chomp chomp eating place at serangoon..wa..my saliva drooling already..hee..nvm, eat liao then go jogging..;)

2009-02-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

so tired..just wanted to say, i had a happy day, erm..maybe not really those kind of like happily laughing happy, but its rather a peaceful, back to the past happy day. thanks by the way for making half of my day bright. i can't say much, not that i dun know what to say, but its i've to much to say. too much that i can't phrase it out in words. anyway whatever both of us say now is useless, its too late..i only know that it's painful, yet it's not so painful cos this time round i had sealed myself up first just in case this kind of thing happen again. but, thanks, cos i think before that it wasn't sealed up so tightly but now, all the small holes and leakage are being sealed up by me. at least, i know that from now, i won't get hurt again.

just wanna to be back a simple me..blur..happy and sleepy everyday yet i won't have to be worrying all day about unnecessary problems. i just wan to treasure everything that i have now, be it its my family, my friends, i just wan to be simple. i wan to spend time on things that will improve my life's perspective and help people if i can. being single, doesn't mean that there's no one for me when i need someone, and it doesn't mean that i'm going to be weaker than those people who are attached. i wan to, remember all the attitudes that i use to overcome the obstacles i had in relationships to apply in my life. cos i believe in, never giving up, at least, never give up till the last decisive moment. shuyun, will not be the same shuyun as the past, but my aim will be moving on in life with new good life values and getting rid of those bad values or thinking that i had in the past. i know that it's going to be a bumpy road, but that doesn't mean i won't be able to cross through it, i will definitely fight my way out..

2009-02-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

why the male leads in romance shows are always so nice..so caring, so brave. just wanted someone who is simple who is willing to go through simple obstacles in life to be with me so as to prove me that, he is willing to be with me not for the sake of fun but for the sake of he is really serious. dun need someone who's handsome, dun need someone who's rich, but only need someone who has 100% heart and sincerity. it's so simple yet it's the most difficult part for guys to achieve it. a lot of things, it's not that you cannot do it, it's you dun wanna to do it..excuses excuses excuses..had enough of it. why should i let you come into my life if you can't even prove simple things to me? if you can't prove it then just leave me alone, you are not the person in my life. i dun wanna another man to come into my family and life whereby my mum will have a hard time again trying to endure all the nonsense.

i wan a man who is able to bring me simple happiness. do you even know what is simple happiness? it's when a guy tells you and does in action at the same time that, he only wants you, and that no one will be able to step into the relationship. it's when you all meet with obstacles, he will not run away but hold tight your hand and tells you that both of you will be able to go through it together as a couple. it's when a guy know what's your favourite food and buy it for you when he has the money to do so. it's when a guy saw your sweater has a hole, he buys a new one for you secretly, and even it's those kind of cheap sweater like $10, i'm happy enough. it's when a guy really spends time listening to you about what you have to say and what problems you faced and console you. it's when a guy, knows that you had to spend time and money purposely to go to his favourite place to buy food for you, he tells you, he's fortunate to have you, and that's a way of thanking you. it's when a guy cares about what you feel and not only how he is feeling. are these things so difficult to do so?if yes, then i'm sorry, you can give me 10 million or whatever hack to say it's your evidence to prove that you love me, but sadly to say, this is not love.

love, comes from pure heart, without any other stupid thinking. love comes from sincerity, which cannot be prove by money alone, but this doesn't mean you can be stingy or whatever hack. love is not for you to take advantage of when you know that your partner is softer at heart. and true love, will not be affected by distance and time. true love is pure. it's only when you truly love one person only then you're able to do the right things. that is also why, until now i can tell you that, u don't love me, understand?..if you really do love me, then prove it, if you don't then pls leave.

2009-01-30T08:23:00.000-08:00

tiring day today..went house visiting for chinese new year in ling's, yee auntie and jie's house..they're all very funny and we had fun la..hehe..they taught me how to play the poker cards of 21 point game and majiong. erm..for 21 point game, i had beginner's luck so i won like from 40 cents to become $4..hehe..then they all keep saying why my luck so good..hee..sorry la..next time treat u all eat ice cream. muackie!=D..hee took some photos too..

then when i was on my way home from sembawang mrt..wth..got a stalker following me..wth..first time in my life i got stalk..so stupid..-_-''..wan stalk also stalk prettier person ba..follow me so near what for. then i purposely went in circles to shake him off but he still continue to walk very close..luckily i hide up in a corner pretending i got a lot of letters to take from letter box and stand there very long then he went off.

anyway, yesterday went to take mum's health result le..luckily it's just a normal infection so there's no cancer. i promise god that even there's cancer in her, i'm willing to take her place. now that her report shows that she's fine, no matter its coincidence or what, if one day this thing come true, i'll fight off it off..=).

also, after such a long period of time, elroy contacted me yesterday in msn. i was quite surprised that, i manage to put him down totally cos finally we can talk like normal friends le ba..i realise, a lot of things in life is actually just a pass by stage where it'll be different in different people's life. when you're stuck in that situation, you feel it's very hard and its impossible for you to do it. but actually, nth is impossible in life..it's whether you want or not. although sometimes, certain things you "can't" do it due to certain reasons. but still, it comes down to how you look at the matter. yes..it's hard and it hurts deep down, no one will know how are u feeling, and that's the reason of why you should help yourself even more to stand up..jia you everyone!=D..

2009-01-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

losing something is the process of gaining..most of the time, its only when you lose something that you learn how to cherish, and that you learn the process of pain and also the process of you standing up once again. Even though the process of standing up is not easy..i guess time will bring away everything. Maybe for some people, heaven will give you back a gift to replace the one that you've lost or maybe for some people, nth will be able to replace what you've lost..=D..most importantly is to be able to keep other things continuously running cos it's not worth stopping down everything just because of losing of certain things..

2009-01-26T06:41:00.000-08:00

my mummy=)

my sister=)

the gigantic terrapin=)

First of all, Happy Newwww Year to all of you!!=) hope this new year brings in new hope and new life for all of us too. =)..

thurs is coming..mum's check up report results are going to be out soon too..i really hope that she only has slight infection in her nose and nth more than that..she has been bleeding a few times for the past 1 week..deep in my heart, i pray that, even if someone were to get cancer, i rather that the person is me. but i promise i won't die and leave her here, i will sure fight against the cancer disease. i rather i have it cos at my age, i still can afford to be "torture" by that illness..she's already 60..really dun wish her to have it the second time..god bless her good health and be happy always. i'm willing to suffer in her place. her nose bleed 2 times today..other than worry i really dun know what to do..

haiz..nvm..shall wait for the results to be out ba..its new year..everyone should be happy. =)..today went to 2 places, one is my god ma's house, another is my auntie's house. my god ma's house the terrapin is totally gigantic la..bigger than my whole palm size..i took photos of him also..hee..and today is triston's 1st time entering my auntie's house..at first he cried but after we play with him, he was fine. =) took some photos of my family..hehe..then today my cousin's husband also the 1st time enter the house..so handsome..hehe..but she also very pretty..pai seh..the bubble dream of: "when will i marry a husband that loves me, is a good man, and treats me, my family and my friends well" appearing in my head now..haiz..think too much again=p..poke away the dream..dun think it happen anyway..hee..

and, be happy alright boy? =) sorry about my temper that night although i dun know if it's right or wrong for me to throw temper at you..i think you won't contact me again cos of how i scolded you that night but i just wan everyone to be happy. =) other than my sis in law..i dun think there's anyone i won't forgive..hehe..cos let's all be a smile always person ba. =D..blink blink..new year new hope new resolution. ;)

2009-01-21T03:57:00.000-08:00

dun know how long can i stand this home..dun even want to return back at all at night, or dun even wan to step in the house when she's around..step in the house only hear quarreling..scold and scold and scold. when ppl talk to her nicely she say ppl is scolding her..when she scold ppl she treat it as a power that she's suppose to have it.

other than feeling heart pain for my parents, i dun know what to do or say. what i can do is to do nothing..because i dun wan to stir up unnecessary troubles and make my mum worry more..

nth happy is happening around me other than going out with my bunch of friends..at least i consider that as a fortunate thing for me. i wanna stay at home and rest, but i can't..just have to keep on going out to avoid the things i dun wan to hear and see..when will my happy days arrive?..another 1 or 2 more years? i'm so tired..ppl say when you do something bad u'll have retribution, but why is it when my own family is so nice we have such a horrible thing that's happening to us. dun tell me its a test send from heaven cos, even if we do good things, there're no good things happening..why is heaven so unfair.

2009-01-20T09:15:00.000-08:00

went sembawang beach in early morning today...to take a breather if not i'll suffocate myself to death..thanks boy for accompanying me just to sit down there and to let the wind blow on our face. felt more relaxed and less tense after all the jokes that you tell to make me laugh. thank you. =)

sorry, had to leave you halfway to let you go home after our trip today..maybe you'll misunderstand but sorry, i dun wish to explain anything, just wish to tell you, both of you are just my friends. whether he still exist in my life or not, i'll still not accept someone again to step into my relationship life, i'm tired, i just need a rest. just wish to let you know, thanks for your friendship and i really do treasure it, we'll be brother always right. ;)..

2009-01-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

can't sleep throughout the whole night...when i finally get some sleep at 3am, here i am, at 6.30 am woken up by that bitch. keep scolding and scolding..really is my turn to scold her ka ni na bu!...thats what she scold yesterday..scold till so happy..that's was directly scolding at my passed away grandmother.she dun go crazy my whole family also going crazy. i can't guarantee how long can i stand her..i can't guarantee what will i do to her when i go crazy...how nice..it would be to have knief being slashed on her face for once...twice..or even more than 3 times..how nice it would be to have a big chopper to hack or stab into her body..or how nice it would be to have all the wine bottles to be smashed on her head. i really think my violence symptoms are getting worser..am i sick or what i dun know..i only want her to be hurt thats all!..

2009-01-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

had a bad day yesterday omg..my colleagues..really hopeless..and me..also hopeless..don't understand why i can let them bully me and i'll still remain silence. dun know what am i doing also..totally..no goals, no direction, no feeling..

today..luckily i got out of the house in evening with eileen they all..came back..heard that my dad quarrel with sis in law again..dad said she scold them even worse bad words such as ka ni na and chou ji bai..really dun know what to say..mum even say she want to die so that she can be free from all this suffering..recently she hasn't been stop bleeding in her nose..on thursday she's going for her checkup..she said that she wants a relapse from her cancer and just die away..no one will understand how am i feeling. these few days even though they know that she's not feeling well, they still continue to push triston to her to take care of him..if one day my mum really die, i'll go with her together..at least she won't be bored in her journey. and i'll definitely be back to haunt my brother and sis in law. unless my sipit is destroyed if not i'll definitely come haunt them everyday, every night, every min, every second. i wan them to pay for what they've did, i want them to suffer, i wan them to die.

and, amos, stop giving me excuses le, i'm really very tired. the best thing that i've done for you is that i didn't hate you after all that you've done to me and instead i wan to console and help you. this is the furthest i can go for you, i can't go on anymore, i'm very tired..very very very tired. i have my own problems too, dun come to me again when you have problems. and no matter what i become in future is not your business. if it's because of guilty or because of your dad ask you to get together with me again, sorry, its not possible for it to happen. if u do feel guilty then just take well care of her, if u don't love her anymore, just find someone else, not me. u're not the guy i'm looking for in my life, and, in my life, there won't be anyone entering my heart again. whenever i need you, you're not there at all, and only appears when the thing is solved..whenever you need me, i'm there for you to break your fall..why must it be this way everytime..sorry i can't take it anymore..so you can forget about all those excuses and nice sentences that you've to think to tell me. take care..bye.

2009-01-17T07:24:00.000-08:00

me is starting on my lose weight program!!..bet with my friend liao, must lose at least 4 kg in 1/2 year..actually this goal is quite achievable..hee..as long as i don't pinch too much food at night to eat..:p..must lose weight to buy my that nice nice dress..=D..

and..this part is for u again idiot. for a split second i decided to believe in you, but thanks for your actions, i was woken up by you. love is not a game u understand? it's not just a sentence: "i love you" then everything will be fine and you don't have to use actions to prove it. i dun think u'll wan to go through everything for me cos u dun love me at all. but thanks for not loving me and training me on not to believe a man again. thank you.

2009-01-13T06:27:00.000-08:00

suppose to be a happy day for today.=) went to the resume workshop with darling and jie..then after that we took pictures inside our schl..cos we realise that RP is quite romantic and beautiful at night..=)..i'm going to so miss my darling, sweetheart and dear when i leave RP..=)..

but when i reach home..mum's nose start to bleed..very worry when she start bleeding everytime cos she has cancer before..she's already lost one of her eyes..dun wan her cancer to come back again..really very worry..that sis in law and bro also dun know what is called automatic. my mum's not a maid..her nose bleed they dun even care..still continue to ask her to take care of triston..not feeling angry, just feeling..i dun know..dun know how to describe..maybe hopeless and helpless.

anyway, this 3rd para is meant to be read by the person whom i want to write to. i know u've found and is reading my blog. just wanna tell u, i'm sorry. i won't go back to the past...dun come find me again le..i just wan to live my life as simple as possible. i dun wan anymore complications, anymore obstacles that i've to deal with in a relationship. you always say that, why we've come to this stage is because i gave you up to hui ting on that day. but, i can tell you, until now i still won't regret what i've did. we both know that, because of i pity her, and that i dun wish to hurt her thats why i decided to back out. if u're also telling the truth, then u're doing the same thing as me as well. since you've decided to go back to her and help her..dun leave her again le. it's too late to get back..the day when i give you up, it's the end. you can say that i'm cruel, but, sorry, i can't bear to hurt her, i wan her to recover. be patient towards her condition, wish u all the best with her..but if both of you didn't end up together in the end, i'm sure you'll find a better girl than me. i just want to be free of relationship problems..i'm vexed enough. i only want my friends and family..thats it..i admit it hurts, it really hurts, but sorry i've to leave again. i love you.

2009-01-12T08:17:00.000-08:00

what is right and what is wrong in this world?..must the measurements of rights and wrongs go accordingly to the "world" and "public" judgement or it's only needed to be measure accordingly from that person's conscience...sometimes i'm so firm that i'm doing the right thing because in my brain, it says that it'll benefit most ppl and its the optimal results..but sometimes when i look back, have i really done the right thing or was it just an excuse for me to run away from my problems. Really dun wish to think so much..I..treasure the happiness that I'm able to get from my friends and my mum, dad and sis. will i make the right choice again this time or will i continue the thinking that I had in the past. One of the time, when i was very troubled and confused, I wanted to tell one of my friend about it. But before I even open my mouth, he told me that, dun need to think already, make a decision that i dun have to think about benefiting others but only me. just wish i can be selfish at times but i always back out at the last moment, cos, being selfish is not my character, seeing others unhappy is not what i will do. but what if, whether i am selfish or not, one of the party will be unhappy, what am i suppose to do now man..omg..life..haiz..nvm..shall take one step at a time. ;)..won't get beaten down so easily.

2009-01-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

today such a bad day for me=( i hate my new workplace..shadn't mentioned where is it..but..i just dun like the ppl there..they're so selfish..i even kana scolding from a auntie when i'm helping her lo..i think she crazy wan. haiz..lazy to say the whole thing out again.nvm..i shall pray that i will be transfer back to my old workplace again=(..

desmond went to find me today despite his fever, thanks to him..at least there's a smile coming from me throughout the whole day in my workplace. my whole face was totally black today cos the ppl there are so grumpy. think they ate too much burger from BK( burger king) cos their face is very BK (black)..hee..

2009-01-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

yeah!..today went watch Ponyo Ponyo with my sister..hee..its a not bad movie..words to describe: its really a cartoon..haha..cos very very innocent and pure. Erm..i couldn't understand some part of the story line, cos like no link to me..but my sis explain to me...after explaining..all i can say is..nvm..its a cartoon..dun need much link..hee..

Anyway..the movie showing very very pure and innocent love between of like some sort of mermaid in love with a small boy..then same thing lo..the mermaid need to give up its power to be with him. Love in movie or sometimes in reality, can be just so simple..so blissful and innocent. Really envy it cos to me..simple is still the best. A lot of times..man says that women are complicated..but i think its rather..men do not look into details enough. To me..when i'm in a relationship..i can do a lot for my partner..i dun mind sending him supper late in night after he come back from work. i dun mind waiting for him for 2 hrs for his work just to see him..i dun mind cleaning up his whole house..i just wan a simple thanks from him..that word, to women, is a form of appreciation down from his heart. =) ..love..so complicated because human made it to be so..but..sometimes its external factors..haiz..when will i meet my true love that treats me good forever. Or..is there such a thing call forever..or it's just a sweet talk..

NVM!..must jia you!! i'm a strong Xiao Qiang, won't get beaten down easily..yeah..winkzz..;) my sisters will always be with me.=) GO GO GO!!chiong for life..

2009-01-08T08:31:00.000-08:00

me is happy girl today!=D..went to shop with my ling, yee auntie & jie they all..they waited very long for me cos i wanted to buy new lingerie set..hee..total bought 4 sets..haha..buy 3 get 1 free. 1 theory suddenly pops up in my mind, which is, shopping really helps to destress! =D..last night so angry until i cry couldn't sleep..at least today shopping liao my mouth can't stop smiling..hee..but pai seh..make ling they all waited me for so long to try out..:p thanks all my darlings! =D

2009-01-07T06:50:00.000-08:00

seriously i really dun wan to be a person who scolds bad words all day long..hating someone all day long. but can u pls dun bully my parents! what's the fucking problem with u bitch! my parents help you to take care of triston, they dun even expect a thanks from you, yet you still scold them bad words directly in front of me. today i went out happily, came back heard that you scold my dad. wtf man, you not happy then just move out of this house la, u dun even pay a single cent for anything in this house, and u expect us to all move out and let you have the entire house for your family! Fuck you man, dad just say, not even shout at triston telling him that dun be naughty, and u accuse him and say dad treat him like a dog. fucking damn angry..i really dun wan to curse you all day long, i just wanna be a simple girl with happy and simple family. i already dun have a good relationship life, the only thing that i'm blessed with is that i have a real good bunch of good sisters including my own sister. my whole family except my fucking bro is like damn nice, hmm..although sometimes i'm not that nice..but i really dun think we deserve someone like you to enter our family lo..seriously..my parents and me dun own you anything. you wanna treat us like maid or what, go hire one yourself and FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!at least i spent $6000 in this house for the furniture, how much did you contribute????!! argh!!really very angry..really..i really feel like learning all the bad words in this world and scold you i tell you...try scolding bad words at my parents again, i'll get into a real fight with u man bitch!..fucking angry..

2009-01-04T21:47:00.001-08:00

finally...10 days of 11 hrs of standing job is over.=D..so tired..haiz..this time go expo to work..erm..make a lot of new friends..quite happy, they're all very good people=D..one of them got take photos but nv send..nvm la..hee..

he went to look for me in expo..he was complaining to me how his current gf treat him..but..what you want me to do..its your own choice. he says that i must be laughing at him now for his state..but honestly i got no feelings at all, cos i dun have any more feelings for him anymore. know a new guy too at expo..everyone says that he has interest in me, i can tell too, he was actually trying to tell me yesterday..haha..but i just pretend nth happen, dun understand what he'a talking..muhahaha..a bit bad but i dun think i wanna enter a relationship again, so tiring..

still the same old sentence: single rocks! ;)

2008-12-29T07:40:00.000-08:00

just what is wrong with fucking guys nowadays. both of you think what, you can enter and leave my life just as you wish? you can treat me as a replacement the 2nd time then use sweet talkings on me again? fuck both of you man. just fuck out of my life and I WILL BE DAMN FINE. i just wan peace in my life. the appearance of both of you keeps reminding me of those stupid memories. i hate it..i really hate it. i've already went through the stage of sleepless nights for months..i dun wan to go through the same thing again. just fuck out of my life!... I, DECIDE WHO CAN ENTER AND LEAVE MY LIFE, NO ONE CAN AFFECT ME WITH ANYTHING!

2008-12-25T19:52:00.000-08:00

Belated Merry Christmas to everyone..!!=D..today sick..haiz..staying at home..cannot go work =(..hee..anyway thanks Chari! for your present..=) i took some photos of it..hee..

2008-12-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

just what's wrong with the fucking bitch..she thinks she the queen of our house or what..i'm suppose to be soundly sleep now..having flu and sorethroat..i can't have the air con on..true..if she's the queen then her son is the prince la..then what am i..its my own room leh..i let them have my bed..i sleep on single bed on the floor i also nv say anything liao..now that i'm sick i just need a proper place to rest..i dun wan and i can't have air con..early in morning just walk into my room..ask also nv ask..off my fan..on my air con and instruct my mum to accompany triston to sleep...what's the fucking problem..i even hear her scolding my mum stupid..hey..bitch..u think my mum is like u? no need to prepare meals for family wan is it..ITS YOUR OWN SON, FEED HIM YOURSELF LA..you scold my mum stupid just cos she's not done preparing the meals and no time to feed your son..i tell you..u will regret one day..wait for me..one day..i'll make u pay TRIPLE for it. I HATE YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-23T05:23:00.000-08:00

omg..so poor thing the yuzhu in the little nyona..haiz..the guy so touching..cos of a girl he loved..he was determined..he was not afraid..he didn't back off..how nice..it would be..for a girl to meet into a man she loves, and a man that wouldn't leave her forever..stay with her quietly..they dun need to have a amazing life but yet they are able to let their simple love bring them together for the rest of their life. me dreaming again..hee..only dream..this kind of thing won't come true wan de lo..at least not in my life..show only..=( ..

2008-12-22T03:03:00.000-08:00

nth much happen recently actually..just that yesterday when working saw someone who really look like him..dun know why..my brain just automatically think of him..argh..sian..make me cannot sleep at night again..-_-''..anyway today i play with triston & took some cute photos of him..had a hard time making him smile and look at the camera..hee..=D..

2008-12-19T06:33:00.001-08:00

today went for my interview for pet groomer liao..the place is as far as bedok..really don't know should I accepted the job..its interest vs money..haiz..dun know what to do..if even if i accept le..there's so many candidates..they only pick up 2..haiz..haiz..haiz..dun know..so confusing..